Vanilla Skies
by Neamh
Summary: Kinomoto Sakura thought she had put the past behind her, until one fateful phonecall. Now, she must return to Tokyo to conquer the demons and become Clow Mistress again. ~S+S~ with other couples as well. [updated ch.6]
1. Tsukino Usagi

Vanilla Skies

Prologue: Tsukino Usagi

It seems ridiculous to return home after so many years. I can't remember whether it was Tomoyo's frantic phone call or otou-san's sudden visit to the university, but I do know that when that feeling of hopelessness hit me something was wrong. Something was very wrong…

            Someone had reawakened the cards…

**

            "I can't- I can't see her… Oh, do you see her Eriol?"

            Hiiragizawa Eriol let out a weary chuckle at the cute picture his wife of two years made. Long ebony hair fell down in waves against her back and her blue eyes sparkled with light he hadn't seen in years. Yes, he always knew that Kinimoto Sakura held a special place in Tomoyo's heart; she held a special place in his as well. He just wished that the reunion did not have to occur under these circumstances. 

            "Oh my God, look," Tomoyo whispered pointing towards the direction of the outpouring of passengers. She squealed and ran forward to embrace the woman, leaving him in a bit of a trance. Gone was the child who fought against the powers of darkness, but now stood a young woman with a power emulating that he had never felt before. She was taller and slender, wearing a simple pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt. Tresses of auburn hair fell against her face as they tried to escape the clutches of the ponytail she was trying to keep. Emerald green eyes were filled with exhaustion and other emotions he couldn't quite place…

            "Sakura!"

            Tomoyo flew from her position next to him towards the other woman. It had been years since they've last seen under the best of circumstances. "Oh Sakura, thank god you're here…" There was a chuckle from the other woman, who was hugging Tomoyo just as tightly. He watched as she pulled back.

            "I missed you too," Sakura replied softly, meeting his gaze over Tomoyo's tight grasp. "Eriol-kun…" She gave him a small smile, probably he guessed, all she could give at the moment. One day there would be room for friendship, but for now they had more important things to tend to.

            "So shall we get going? Are you hungry? Have you eaten?" Sakura chuckled again, pulling them to a bunch of chairs. Tomoyo still gripped her hand tightly as if she was afraid she was going to disappear again. He sighed. The memories were still fresh in his mind as well.

            "Actually, I brought someone."

            He nearly choked and Tomoyo's eyes widened. A certain someone wasn't going to be too happy about that…

            "It's not a guy… I… I brought someone to help us."

            "Help us?"

            She nodded, glancing back at the still outpouring of passengers. "We got separated in the midst of passengers. Damn Americans are always in a rush to go somewhere…"

            "Flight that bad, eh?"

            Sakura smirked and leaned back in her seat. "It was like having five Mei- Oh, there she is! Usa-neechan!" 

            Eriol's eyes widened as a woman made her way through the crowded airport terminal to their small group. Waves of silver fell into a pile on top of slender shoulders. She wore a blue sundress that sparkled when the sun hit from the windows. She was an immensely attractive woman, but it was her eyes that held him still. Blue orbs that were the color of the ocean during a storm were sparkling with several emotions, but then hidden he could see a sad story of loss. 

            Sakura beamed. "This is my friend Tsukino Usagi. She's going to help us with gathering the cards. I told her everything."

            Tomoyo smiled and shook the older woman's hand. "Any friend of Sakura's is mine as well. Thank you, you don't understand how much this means to me and my husband."

            He studied her for moment debating whether or not he should make the initiative first. Usagi gave him a small smile and held out her hand. "I understand more than you think I do."

            He nodded slowly. There was something about her. He could trust her yes, but there was something else lingering. She would be an exceptional ally to them, especially with the Li Clan involved and what was left of Clow's magic. 

            However, he thought as he felt the energy emaciating from her. However, she'd be a formidable opponent as well.

            And he'd pity the fool who made her the enemy.

**

            The sky began to darken considerably, clouds rushing in like there was no tomorrow. It was far past rain season, Mika thought with a frown and pulling at her uniform. She quickened her pace through the neighborhood, hoping that the three and half blocks she had to walk would pass faster.

            _Pit._

_            Pat._

Rain began to pour down in heave after heave. What was going on? The weather had never been this weird before, she thought incredulously. And leave it to her to forget her stupid jacket…

            _Pit._

_            Pat._

"I just want to go-"

            _Pit._

Her eyes snapped wide open, greeting the cool pavement. "I fell?" Her gaze wandered around her and she shook head. She needed to pay more attention to her surroundings.

            _Pit._

"Huh?"

             _Pat-pit._

"Oh my God!

            _Pit-pat._

_            Pit._

Black.

**

            "You don't know how happy I am to see you."

            Sakura looked up from her unpacking and smiled at Tomoyo. "I'm happy to be back." Well in some respects, she thought. Coming back to Japan was more of a bitter homecoming than a happy one. Memories of a darker day were still fresh in her mind. She closed her eyes. However, she needed to focus on more important things at hand.

            "So," she began slowly. "How bad is it really?"

            She watched as Tomoyo looked down and let out a small sigh. She brushed a strand of her auburn hair out of her face. It was worse than she expected.

            "Eriol had confirmed our suspicions of the cards being put to rest after he sat in a meeting. That… That was at least three, four years after you left home to go to England. Everything was fine until the Li Clan, well; the Li Clan has set their central focus in here… They're here in Japan, Sakura."

            She said nothing and pushed all feelings threatening to flush out from their keeping place. She pushed her suitcase from the bed and sat down next to Tomoyo.

            "How bad is it really? Moreover, is it as bad as I think it is?"

            Tomoyo nodded. "From what Eriol has said, yes it has. And from the word from connections, the Clan has spurred it out of control. Sakura…" Tomoyo grabbed her hands. "Sakura, the forces at work are darker than ever before. People can get hurt…."

            Sakura ignored the hidden reference that her friend was trying to initiate. She slowly closed her eyes. The energy had been practically roaring since she had arrived. "Not everyone is safe, I agree with you fully. But then again not everyone is completely useless…"

            "Sakura-chan…"

            "I'm going to have to face him one day, Tomoyo-chan. I can't hide forever from him. And I'm a different person now; I'm not going to just run into his arms in a heartbeat. I just don't work that way."

            "Is she really going to help us?"

            A tiny smile crossed her face. "Usa-chan 's friendship is a great asset to whatever I'm going to fight. I need her here."

            Tomoyo grabbed her hand. "Then I trust her. I trust her."

**

            It had to be ten years, Tsukino Usagi mused as she looked out the window of the Hiiragizawa household. Dark skies greeted her vision as she could make out the vastness of the city's life. Was Tokyo ever this large? She sighed. Sakura had been right. There was something very powerful out there in work. Something very powerful and evil to be exact. She had forgotten how sharp her senses were.

            "Tsukino-san?"

            She turned around to find Hiiragizawa-san standing at the door. She gave him a small smile in greeting. "Onegai, Usagi or Usagi-chan is fine."

            "Demo-"

            "I'm not one especially fond of formalities, Hiiragizawa-san. Just because I haven't been back home in a long time doesn't change anything."

            He smiled and nodded. "All right, Usagi then you don't mind me asking… Why are you here with Sakura-chan?"

            She shrugged and answered simply, "To help Sakura of course. She asked for me help and I was more then happy to comply."

            "You're a woman of great power."

            A sad smile crossed Usagi's features. "There are many of those of great stature. I am merely a woman of destiny who hopes to protect Sakura from a cruel path. She, for once, deserves happiness."

            He looked at her with a quiet expression. "I couldn't agree more with you. She deserves to be the happiest out of all of us."

            "But you want to know if I can be trusted?"

            Silence.

            She pointed to the window. "There's a storm of great multitude brewing outside. She cannot do this by herself, not yet at least. The cards are the cause of this yes, merely because they are looking for what was taken from them."

            _Boooom!_

"The cards are looking for their mistress."

**

            "We've made a grave mistake."

            "But it is the right of our great clan. We are direct descendents! This would never of happened if that child had-"

            "The situation could have been worse if the child had captured them all. She saved us and we stole what was rightfully hers. Not only that we played with fate.

            "But-"

            "We had no right to toy with fate."

**

So this is my first CCS fanfic, well my first CCS-centric with guest appearances from Sailor Moon, CLAMP detectives, and X/1999. I wouldn't call it a crossover since Usagi isn't the main character of the story, bust she does play a vital role. Hopefully, you've enjoyed it thus far.

**Chapter One: The Problem, What Were They Thinking!**

Sakura ventures out to rediscover Tokyo with Tomoyo and Usagi on a girl's day out. Eriol talks to an old ally and then some. The CLAMP detectives make an appearance and what's this about the cards? Rika?

**Dedication**: To my oneechan, just because…

**Disclaimer**: I don't own CCS or Sailor Moon. Although, I would just love to bargain with CLAMP for a little Eriol here and a little Li-kun there… Not to mention a little Subaru…


	2. The Problem, What Were They Thinking!

Vanilla Skies

Chapter One: The Problem, What Were They Thinking!

            Love is a fascinating concept. There can be feelings of a wondrous extent, the typical 'floating on air' syndrome or the ever-present soft sigh of some form of happiness. Of course there's the emotional roller coaster that follows. Happiness cannot be achieved unless one is willing to work.

            Love will always be there, regardless of the consequences and the blocks.

            Happiness, however…

            Happiness must be earned.

**

            "_So she got in all right?_"

            Eriol chuckled and leaned back into the easy chair. "Must you worry so? She's fine, she told both Tomoyo-chan and I that she was fine and that she would help."

            "_I didn't think that-_"

            "She's here and you have nothing to worry about. Sakura-chan isn't the same girl that left eleven years ago. She's stronger and more aware of herself. I tell you, the Clan and yourself have nothing to worry about. And you can start getting those apologies ready, descendent."

            "_Baka… I know she can take care of herself, but I just don't want-_"

            Eriol shook his head. You'd think after several years of putting himself through misery, his descendent would finally understand. "It takes one to know one, baka. I will see you tomorrow." He sighed and hung up the phone.

            "Gaki," Eriol muttered to himself.

            "Still hasn't changed, eh master?"

            He turned to see Suppi residing on the couch behind him, eyes peaking with interest. "Then again," the small animal began. "Neither have you."

            Eriol chuckled and sat down. "I still have my charm," he responded. "But instead of changing I've grown. And that I'm thankful for."

            The animal sighed. "You really love Tomoyo-san, don't you?"

            His expression darkened. "Hai, of course. I'd do anything for her."

            "Anything."

**

     The streets of Tokyo were busy with all kinds of life. Women in bunch, moved from store to store. Children ran through the streets to and from, trying to find an arcade that wasn't crowded to spend money in. She missed Tokyo. It was a decision she had come to long after she got off the plane from London and was greeted by both Eriol and Tomoyo. She missed the sights and the sounds. And, she thought with a smirk. There was no fog. 

            "So," Tomoyo began, whirling around to face Usagi and her. "We've been to the outlets and the mall, don't you think its time to eat at least?'

            Usagi shrugged. "Whatever is good for you…"

            Sakura snorted and shook her head, strands of hair escaping the loose bun a top her head. "It's called a collective decision, oneechan. You can say yes and no. I've heard you argue before, remember?"

            "I'm well aware of my capabilities, _imouto_. I recall saying that I wasn't going to make any collective decisions until I was in dire need of doing so."

            Sakura stuck her tongue out and Usagi smirked, causing Tomoyo to giggle. "You guys are funny when you fight," she spoke, laughing. She stopped. "How about we eat here? I hear it has great milkshakes."

            She nodded. "It's better then coffee."

            "I happen to enjoy coffee."

            "I know-"

            Sakura froze. There was something in the air, something dark and forewarning. She could literally feel her heart pounding in her ribcage.

            _Thud-thud._

            "Extra, Extra! Body of student found! Death still pending uncertain!"

            _Thud-thud._

The energy was rising around her and the ground began to spin. What was going on? She felt as she was supposed to go and do something, but what? She was feeling dizzy…

            _Thud._

            "Sakura?"

            Tomoyo's arms were clutching her, helping stand on her shaky legs. She gave a small smile of reassurance and her eyes wandered to Usagi.

            _Thud-thud-Thud._

There was only one time when she had seen Usagi's expression as dark as the one she wore. Her eyes followed where the other woman was staring. Three men all in dark trench coats stood blocking their entrance into the small diner. 

            "Usagi-san," one finally spoke. "It's been a long time."

            And behind them, for a fleeting moment, Sakura could have sworn she had seen someone. Her eyes widened.

            "Rika?"

**

            "So he's sure?"

            "I spoke to him after he spoke to Li-sama. He's sure of himself. He has changed a great deal, you know."

            _Sigh_. "I know. It's kind of sad that we can't have any funny anymore."

            "You're such a child, Ruby Moon."

            "And you're a pompous ass, _Suppi-chan_."

            _Sigh. _"I just hope this isn't has damaging as the previous extravaganza, the clan caused."

            "Hai, it's a journey that they must pass…"

**

            She was as gorgeous as he remembered. Blazing blue eyes were filled with so much emotion; he couldn't decipher anything she was feeling. Her sliver hair was swept up halfway, silver masses falling gently against her shoulders. She wore a short black skirt with a button down red cardigan. Her mile long legs were encased in tall leather boots.

            The little girl that he had once adored and even called a sister was now a woman.

            And she was pissed.

            "Usa-chan," he began softly. She said nothing in turn, motioning for the others who were accompanying her to go inside the café. The smaller of the two companions gave her a worried look, but she shook her head, gaze returning to the three of them.  Nokoru sighed. She was going to be difficult. He moved to step forward, but Suoh step forward.

            "We know coming back must be difficult…"

            She raised a slender eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. Her eyes went to each one of Akira, Suoh, and then lingered on him. He, however, couldn't bring himself to face her. "You don't know a damn thing," she spoke softly, the tone of her voice worn.

            "We need to speak with you," Akira tried.

            "About what? I thought that all complications were cleared or at least that's what we were told when we left…"

            "We weren't-"

            She held up her hand, motioning for them to stop. "There is nothing to say. I'm not here to reminisce. I'm here to keep a promise." She stopped, glaring at all of them. "Leave me alone."

            "Usagi…"

            "Past be past…"

**

            "So she knows Imonoyama-san…"  Tomoyo breathed from their spot near the window. She turned back to Sakura. "Daijibou?"

            "Hai," Sakura breathed. "I-" She shook her head, burying her head in her arms. _Warmth_. What did Rika have to do with this? She sighed. The presence of darkness had almost bee unbearable to sit through. She had felt like she was being suffocated. _Memories from so long ago_…

            "She's very secretive, ne?"

            Sakura said nothing, watching as Usagi went to enter the café. She looked at Tomoyo. "Oneechan has had a tough life," she responded quietly. "I don't know much of anything about her, but I know I can trust her and that I can rely on her help. She's a good person, Tomoyo-chan and that's all that needs to be said."

            Before Tomoyo could respond, Usagi slipped in next to Sakura. "Genki desu ka?" Sakura gave her a reassuring smile and slid the large coffee mug to her friend.

            "Hai, just a little shaky otherwise I'm a-okay."

            Tomoyo coughed. "I didn't know you knew Imonoyama-san."

            Usagi's eyes darkened and Sakura watched as the grip on her mug caused her knuckles to turn white. "That was a long time ago…"

            "So," Sakura interrupted, earning an appreciated glance from Usagi. "Eriol-kun told me that there's a meeting tomorrow. Know anything?"

            Tomoyo was silent for a moment, breaking her gaze and staring out the window at the busy streets. "Tomorrow night," she began softly. "Tomorrow night we are going to sit in a meeting with the Li Clan to get to the bottom of this problem."

            Sakura froze.

            "Tomorrow night, we will be speaking with Syaoran."

** 

            ^^;; Cliffhangers, got to love them huh? Hope you enjoyed this part!

**Disclaimer**: I do not claim any ownership to any of the following animes: CLAMP Campus Detectives, Cardcaptor Sakura, Sailor Moon, and in the future X-1999. I would graciously accept, however ownership of Touya any day.  ^^

            **Dedication**: As always my oneechan… Love ya!

            **Chapter Two: Bitter Reunion**

Syaoran remembers one horrible night that changed his life while Sakura braces herself for another encounter with the Li family. Tomoyo faints and there's a strange guy outside Usagi's window. And the mysterious shadow strikes again…


	3. Bitter Reunion

Vanilla Skies

Chapter Two: Bitter Reunion

            The cards had been merely a possession for me. A symbol of absolute power for my family, a power that they could never have… It was an obsession, a deadly one at this rate. My Clan has become nothing more than a shell, only fear, guilt, and the shadow of grief hanging over us like a rain cloud. The cards are now a monster created by the darkness of our hearts, our greed, and the guilt that lingers in the air. 

            So what does it feel like, you ask? I hurt the woman I loved. Pools of green still haunt me to this day. The cards were a possession for me, but for her, for Sakura, they were her life. And I took them away from her, I took her happiness…

            That night was the worst night of my life, I can't tell you enough. It was that night I realized how much those damned cards meant to her. It was a vital part of her happiness, those goddamn cards made her who she was, both the smiles and the laughter. There was no magic behind those cards; it was Sakura's life and love that powered each one. It took me too damn long to realize this. And it took the death of my… my mother for the Clan to realize this.

            My one hope for this night is probably so far out of reach.

            I just don't want to fight her again.

**

            "You should sit down, koiishi," Eriol whispered, pushing a piece of sweat matted locks out of Tomoyo's face. She gripped the arms of her husband tightly, feeling another wave of nausea enter her body.

            "No," she moaned softly. "The meeting- I'll miss the meeting."

            Eriol looked across to Sakura with a pleading gaze. She complied, giving him a small smile. "I'll be alright, Tomoyo-chan. We will only be gone for no longer than hour or so. I don't have much to say."

            Tomoyo sighed, her eyes dropping shut a little bit. It was getting harder to breath now… She wanted to go, to help. She knew that Sakura facing Li-kun was going to be somewhat of momentous event. But her body was screaming for her to rest and sleep.

            "Hiiragizawa-san, I'll stay with you if you want," Usagi's soft voice filtered into the room. She looked up, oddly enough finding comfort in the older woman's eyes.

            "Hai-hai," she whispered. "Go. And be careful. I'll just get some rest now. I'll be fine and dinner will be on the table."

            "Demo…"

            She chuckled, beckoning Usagi to sit beside her. "I have company, dear. I'll be fine-"

            It was then where she fainted.

**

            It was a primal need to survive, Yue thought with a smirk. The shadows dance in front of him as he watched the unsuspecting to mortals walk to and about. They had no idea, how meaningless their lives meant to him. He and the cards no longer one were now free to kill, to make them pay for hurting the only family he had ever known. 

            _Not even I am suited to be your master._

            Had Clow been right?

            _You will over look the chosen one. A child that hold key to this all…_

            His eyes shot open. A power, a strong power indeed had reentered the mix. His eyes widened. And there was something else, no someone else, someone only the legends only talked of.

            Life would for now on be interesting.

            Let the games begin.

**

            I was ten that night and maybe I'm still ten inside my mind in reference of things. I cannot express the hurt that lives within my body or the grief that wells up every time I am forced to speak your name… _Li-kun_…

            Your face had been nothing, but cool mask of indifference. So far from the boy who I'd come to know and love in my own innocent way. Maybe we could have been happy, I would have given the cards to you if you had asked. I would have gone to the ends of the earth with you. I know we had a connection, but that night you took it all away. 

            Oneechan's right, I need to let go of my anger, my pain, if we are going to work together that is… 

            I want closure.

            I _deserve _closure.

            When is enough, enough?

**

            Usagi sighed. She had finally gotten Hiiragizawa-san to sleep. It was obvious that woman was going to be a proud mother soon, her senses alerting her to the measure.  She left the room quietly, hoping to catch some moments alone. Seeing Nokoru and the others had stirred unwanted feelings inside of her, feelings that for the latter years she had stayed away from Japan were buried deep within. She could feel that this trip might become a permanent stay, if she wasn't careful.

            _Whoosh!_

            She whirled around to see one of the large windows at the end off the vast hallway open. She narrowed her eyes and sensed the crackling energy entering the house. Her heart began to pond mercilessly.

            _Thud-thud._

            Years, it had been years since she had felt like this.

            _Thud._

            Years since she had been a little girl. Oh to laugh and smile, how wonderful it been. She had gone out of her way to make everyone happy. And it had her heart that caused her to retreat inside herself. She reached the window, silk curtains flying around her.

            Her heart was pounding wildly now and her mind screaming for her to just leave it alone. She was here to help Sakura-imouto, not to dwell in the past. She violently pushed the blowing curtains back, staring into the night's abyss silently but her eyes told stories, multitudes after multitudes.

            The wind blew her hair wildly around her.

            _Kamui_…

**

            For a moment time froze, the wind began to pick up with cherry blossoms dancing around her as if she were a princess from the legends.

            "Sakura…"

**

            The pain was lost in the memories once more as she was just content to stare, regardless of her anger and her sadness.

            "Syaoran…"

**

**Author's Notes****_: _**Arigato for all the reviews, minna-san! Glad you like this story because I enjoy writing it. To clear up some confusions and misconceptions, Nokoru, Akira, and Suoh are all the CLAMP Detectives. And their **roles** to the story will be revealed in later chapters. Also there won't be any cute moments with S+S until later chapters, so Eriol and Tomoyo will have to be victims of WAFF for now. Look for more CLAMP characters to come.

**Dedication:** To my darling imouto and oneechan, without you two I don't know where I'd be. And to Starlight, I appreciate the support always.

**Disclaimer:** *crickets chirping*

Chapter Three: Snow Flakes 

The Clan council tries to make amends and explain the situation. Usagi is confronted yet again by one of the CLAMP Detectives. Tomoyo realizes that she's soon to be a mother and tells Suppi-chan. Rika's role is explained and someone is watching the events unfold.   


	4. Snowflakes

Vanilla Skies

Chapter Three: Snowflakes

            Understanding destiny is something that I've been trying to do for years, I guess. With all that I've seen and what I've been through, it only seems right to venture down that route. My wanting to understand hasn't been totally useless, but it hasn't been helpful either. There are some things best left alone, in some respects, so I am stuck waiting for that one right moment.

            I came back to Tokyo to help Sakura for a lot of reasons. I saw myself in the path she was heading down. I saw the anger and the pain, and at that moment I knew I could not allow someone with dreams like her to lose it all when she still had a chance. She has her whole life in front of her, no matter how badly Li-san had hurt her. She still has that glimmer of a flame in her eyes, regardless of what she says. My past is nothing more than a broken one, there is no hope in that direction. Sometimes I think I am nothing more than a lifeless body at the most. 

            I've lost hope.

            I've lost love.

            I've lost the ability to dream.

            But for Sakura-imouto, I am willing to push my demons aside and help. Maybe one day, I'll be able to smile again. One day.

**

            "I'm going to go out and buy you some soup, Tomoyo-san."

            She looked up to see Usagi standing at the door, jacket in hand. She gave the older woman a small smile and a nod. "Arigato, I think I could use some broth. Although I can't guarantee keeping it inside me very long."

            Usagi chuckled. "It'll be good for you. I'll be back soon."

            Tomoyo waited until she heard the click of the downstairs door. "You can come out, Suppi-chan."

            "Must you call me that? It's bad enough when that insolent brat calls me that."

            She giggled. "I think Ruby Moon hit the nickname thing right on. Suppi-chan's so *kawaii*. It could have been worse, ne?"

            He flew up to the bed and landed right next to Tomoyo. "You *are* all right, dear?"

            She nodded. "I'm still a little dizzy. Tsukino-san has been taking very good care of me. Sakura-chan was right, the woman must be a great friend. I guess I really am pregnant."

            "What?"

            Suppi flew around in circles, landing onto of the bed with a solid thump. Tomoyo giggled. "Tsukino-san mentioned it as a possibility. But somehow, this might sound a little odd, but I can feel the baby's life."

            "The next in line to Clow's magic. It makes sense that you're senses are heightening. It's no wonder Tsukino-san caught it. There's a lot of power in her though. Dangerous power."

            Tomoyo shook her head, shifting her body into a sitting position. "She's harmless in our case, Suppi-chan. She came to help Sakura and she's accepted us as Sakura's friends. I may not be able to sense energy, but just from the way she looks it's pretty obvious that making her angry isn't such a good idea."

            "I'm just amaze at the fact that the Card Mistress has gotten so much stronger. She's much more confident."

            Tomoyo sighed. "She had no choice."

**

             She was curious to know why old people had such a fascination with the dark and candlelit rooms. It seemed completely ridiculous to hold a meeting in a room where there wasn't *any* light and you could barely see the faces of anyone. She felt Eriol's grip on her arm tighten as they sat down. Then again this was Syaoran's family, the one and only great Li Clan.

            "We are grateful you've accepted our invitation, Card Mistress."

            "It wasn't like I had any choice," she countered, earning an amused chuckle from Eriol. She rolled her eyes, ass-kissing had never been her thing thanks to Touya-niichan.

            "We are trying to be respectful here, Mistress."

            _I'm not stupid_. "I understand that, Li-sama. As am I, but I must confess I'm a little annoyed to why you pulled me all the way back to Tokyo. I take it you screwed up along the way. What's really going on?"

            There was a long sigh and she found her eyes wandering to Syaoran, who was shifting nervously in his seat. She shook her head. _He's so kawaii sometimes, even if I still think he's a pompous bastard who stole my cards_. She sighed. _Oneechan's right. I need to lay off the coffee._

            "The cards have been released," the elder finally spoke. "They as well as the guardians are out of control. Nights in Tokyo are no longer safe for people, the police have even established a curfew."

            "And whose damn fault is that," Eriol muttered. 

            _Kero-chan_…

            "What do you mean _out of control_?"

            Syaoran spoke up from the corner. "If the book is open by anyone other than magical decent, the balance that had been maintained is disrupted and chaos starts. Think of an allergic reaction, that's how the cards react."

            Her eyes widened. _Rika…_ Syaoran catching her gaze, nodding sadly.

            "Oh god… How?"

            "We had placed the book in an exhibit. No one, but a few knew the true extent of power that the book held. So-"

            "So this is lingo for we screwed up because we put it in a goddamn public area?"

            Eriol chuckled again. "Calm down, Sakura-chan," he whispered. "You're in front of a bunch of old farts, remember?"

            She took a deep breath. "Who released the cards?" 

            _Please, oh please don't be…_

            "The book is trapped in the body of the girl," the elder continued as he had heard Sakura. She stood, eyes blazing and her hands trembling.

            "Who _released _ the goddamn cards?"

            Syaoran spoke up, not meeting her angry gaze.

            "The Book of Clow is trapped inside Sasaki Rika's body. Rika was the one who released the cards."

**

            "Fancy meeting you here, Usa-chan."

            Usagi turned, meeting the sad gaze of Nokoru who was standing in the shadows. She said nothing, gripping her grocery bags tighter. The wind blew her hair gently in her face and she sighed softly. He wasn't a threat to her.

            Yet.

            "I was wondering when you were going to pop out. Where are your _body guards_?"

            "There's no need for this, Usa-"

            She raised an eyebrow. "All right then, I'll walk away." She turned and began to head in the direction of the Hiiragizawa's house, but nearly stumbled instead as Nokoru reached out and grabbed her wrist. The grocery bag in her hand fell to the ground, the soup cans rolling onto the grass of the nearby lawn. Nokoru pulled her to his chest tightly, breathing heavily.

            "I won't let you go, imouto. I always keep my promises."

            _In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Don't make this harder than it all ready is…_

"Except for one."

            "Usa, you know I-"

            She pulled out of his grasp. "Wanted to protect me? Sure, of course. You protected me by nearly letting my family die. You protected me by turning your back on me when I need you…," she choked back a sob. "You left me in my most vulnerable state. You and Ka-"

            Usagi froze, her body stiffening. _Energy… The Cards? _Whirling around, she found herself looking at nothing but the darkened silence.

            "Usa-chan what is it?"

            Her eyes widened and her expression dimmed.

            "Yue…"

**

**Author's Notes and Other Fangled Things:**

            First off, I want to apologize for the posting length. I got rather busy with other fics that I need to finish. *cough* Wanders… I was going to update this earlier, but you know what happens… Anyhow, I guess I should clear up a few things. 

            In concerns to the Clow Book, think of it like Pandora's Box. It was created by magic and lots of power, so it was only made for those of magical decent not for humans or curiosity. Human energy, I guess you could call it, is polar opposite therefore setting off an "allergic reaction" like Syaoran called it.

            So when Rika came into contact with the book (you'll find out in the next chapter how), she absorbed it as an reaction and kind of became part of the book. If anyone has seen the anime Shamanic Princess you'll know what I mean, but anyhow Rika and the book are one and the same. After she released the book, Kerberos and Yue are released to do as they please. And we all know how *angry* Yue was during the Final Judgment episodes and all… ^^;;

            Secondly, Usagi's involvement with the CLAMP detectives will eventually be explained I promise. But for now, obviously she shared a close relationship with Nokoru who somehow betrayed it in the past.

            Yes, Tomoyo is pregnant. Can you image having Eriol-kun as a father? X_X There will be S+S moments in the next chapter as promised, the story revolves around their relationship you know.

            And that, dear readers is all I can think of at the moment. So review!

**Disclaimer**: *runs away from screeching lawyers* I won't do it! You can't make me!

**Dedication**: To my girls, Ani-chan, Oneechan, and Starlight-oneechan, I love you all! And oneechan, I give the go for ya. It'll be a partial AU.      


	5. I'll Be Your Shadow (Part 1)

Vanilla Skies

Chapter Four: I'll Be Your Shadow

            I was selfish.

            Incredibly selfish. Stupid. Angry. Bitter. I could make the list go on and on. My selfishness was my greatest downfall back then. Long ago, I had thought that I was the only one suffering in the misery of the path Destiny had supposedly chosen for me and yet, I managed to hurt the one person that understood me the most.

            That even gave a damn about caring about me.

            That loved me the most.

            She's changed in my eyes. Even I star sprouting Shakespeare's sonnets at random, it'll do her no justice. But her blue eyes, eyes that have shown me the world, were filled with the utmost sadness. Sadness I put there. Sadness by my own betrayal.

            Usa-koi, I know I have no right to even speak your name. I want to help you. I want to love you. But if I am confined to the shadows to watch you, and I know you can sense me sometimes, then so be it. I am happy just to watch you and need for you will be repressed for now. I know you need to finish what you've set out do and accomplish.

            But I don't know how long I can hold my feelings inside…

*=*=*=*

            "It's been so long, chibi-hime."

            A low growl escaped from Usagi's lips as she stepped into a protective stance in front of Nokoru. She barely noticed as the grocery bag slipped from her grasp. Her eyes narrowed as the taller man came into full view. His eyes were a piercing gray and his lips were curled into a cruel smirk. Large silver wings spread out to the fullest of their capability and his sliver locks blew against his body. But the irony of it all was that the fact that he still wore his guardian uniform from back in the Silver Millennium. She let a shaky breath.

            "Something wrong?"

            Instinctively, she stretched her out to stake her grounds. If it was a fight he wanted, she would give it to him. In Yue's eyes, she still remained the same child he had left behind when he followed Clow Reed.

            "Not at all," she responded smoothly. "I'm just curious to why you find this amusing. I thought resorting to torment was against your honor code."

            His body tensed and his expression darkened. She then knew she had hit a hard spot. He smiled again, but this time it didn't reach his eyes. In one fluid motion, Yue waved his arms sending a blast of energy towards her direction. She pushed Nokoru to the ground. She could hear the howling of the card coming at rapid pace towards her.

            _Windy_. _This must be the windy card, controlled by the powers of the moon._

            She ducked behind the nearest tree and heard Yue chuckle.  "I thought you were kawaii when you wanted to play these cat and mouse games. It's only fitting that we keep in tradition and you child get to play the mouse. And I believe, the little mouse is bleeding."

            She hissed and rolled to her side, having to react to the returning pursuit of the wind card. Usagi glanced down at her hands and winced at the gash in the center of her palms. _Damn it_ _Goddamn it_. She looked around, a glimmer of hope in her mind to see if Nokoru was safe. Mistake number one.

            Windy threw her face forward into the ground. She pushed herself up with partial ease, the skin of her arms burning. She knew if she so much started to fight offensively, the course of the spiritual balance would be set off kilter and she would have to deal with one more problem.

            So now she was stuck fighting the defensive end of things. 

_Imouto-chan, onegai…_

*=*=*=*=*

            Sakura shot up in her seat, the overbearing feeling of dread pounding in her subconscious. Eriol turned to her, expression revealing avid concern. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

            "Sakura-chan?"

            She began to cough violently, falling to her knees. A feeling of foreboding swept through her body. The room began to spin quickly and she could barely make out the faces around. Eriol, Syaoran… _Oh god, 'neechan…_

"Help---Usa---need---"

            She heard a sharp gasp and she looked up in furious movement. A top the desk where the head members of the Li Clan lay the Clow Key. Her Clow key and it was glowing with livid energy. Sakura pushed herself up to a shaky standing position. The key was reacting one of the guardians, she realized with a frown. And there was no way Kero instilled any form of fear in her memories.     

            _Yue… Oneechan, hold on._

*=*=*=*=*

            "I have to help her," he growled. Nokoru watched worriedly as Usagi effectively blocked another hit from the spirit or whatever it was. He glanced sadly at the young man next to him, who was in emotional turmoil with himself.

            "I want to help her as much you do, Kamui. But we'll only be in the way. Besides I've never seen this type of magic before."

            "It's completely out of our league," was the tired response. "We should have listened the first time…"

            "But we didn't," Nokoru responded softly. "And we have to pay now. The only way we can help is if she asks us to. Otherwise we are still confined to the shadows."

            Kamui's posture straightened and  Nokoru could have sworn the air went dead.

            "I'm tired of waiting in the shadows."

*=*=*=* 

**Author's Ramblings**:

            Thank you for the lovely reviews, I appreciate every single one of them. I'm very proud of this story. A couple notes and menial things, for you dear readers. There's a specific reason why I've decided to break this chapter into two parts. I didn't want this part to be totally action-oriented and overpowering the emotions of the story. The emotion is what drives it, mind you. And there was no way I was going to sacrifice it.

            There will be more S+S moments in the next chapter as well as E+T, I promise. Think of this as a prologue to the chapter. If that made any sense. Review please!

**Disclaimer**: See the beginning. Too lazy. ^_^

**Dedication**:   To my girls, Ani-chan, Oneechan, and Starlight-oneechan, I love you all!

**Preview for next chapter**:

            _I'll Be Your Shadow_ (part two)~

                        Sakura races to the vicious battle, pursed by both Eriol and Syaoran. Meanwhile, Usagi fights to hold control of her powers with Yue continuing to taunt her. Nokoru tries to restrain Kamui and Tomoyo vigil begins… Appearances by some new players that decide to join the game.  


	6. I'll Be Your Shadow (Part 2)

What is love? I mean, truly, honestly, what is it? What purpose does it essentially serve? Is it to hurt us? To have connections so profound that when everything seems to fall apart, death seems to be reasonable. I have been hurt. I have been walked on, trampled. I have felt the loss and the emptiness. But everything, including the bad, has still left me wondering. What is love?  
  
Why am I still able to feel?  
  
Why do I still care?  
  
**  
  
Vanilla Skies  
  
By Eve **  
  
Stasis in darkness. Then the substanceless blue Pour tor and distances. Sylvia Plath  
  
  
  
Chapter 4b: I'll Be Your Shadow  
  
It was very hard for Sakura not to stop and watch in awe at the fight between Usagi and Clow's second guardian. She had forgotten how powerful Yue really was, but she did remember feelings of fear and anxiety. Far beyond anything pleasant if you will. She ignored Shaoran as he came up beside her, breathing heavily and with Eriol high on his tail.  
  
"Why aren't. What.?"  
  
She hissed, clutching her side. Stupid cramps, she thought watching the standstill battle before her. It's completely impossible to help 'neechan, she's put up a.  
  
"Barrier," Eriol muttered. "She's put up a barrier and Yue's completely aware of the fact that she's trying to protect someone. There's someone else here."  
  
Sakura closed her eyes, searching for familiar energy and finding none. However, there was an odd amount of concentration of strong energy over by the playground. She flinched as Shaoran placed a hand on her shoulder. She could practically feeling the sadness generated by him. I can't afford to lose my concentration now.  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
She shook her head. "There isn't much we can do. Usa-chan obviously has her reasons for putting the barrier up. I can sense someone or something over yonder."  
  
Both Eriol and Shaoran nodded in agreement. It was all they could do. Sakura turned to study the battle. Usagi stood out in contrast with darkness of the trees, strands of her hair gleaming like the moonlight itself. She was clutching her right arm, blood dripping and staining her clothes. The expression on her face was far from anything she had seen before. Anger. Pain. Betrayal. Hatred. Sakura felt a little bewildered. She knew Usagi to be a private person when it came to her emotions as well as anything that had to do with the life she had led in Japan, but this side was a glimpse of who her oneechan really was.  
  
"So," Shaoran began softly. "All we can do is watch."  
  
She said nothing.  
  
The battle was getting out of hand. Now, it was manifesting itself so that the players could be used. She closed her eyes, allowing her magic to surface.  
  
She had to be prepared.  
  
**  
  
"I can't this," Kamui growled. "She's hurt."  
  
Noroku said nothing, but there was indication he was just as worried as Kamui. The standstill was far worse than an actual battle. The injuries on Usagi were completely visible, but she was holding back her powers. The question was why?  
  
"She's protecting all of us."  
  
Sumeragi Subaru had entered the story.  
  
**  
  
"Shall we resume our little game, mouse?"  
  
Her lips curved into a small smirk, her hand dropping from her wound. She watched in morbid fascination as the blood fell, drop by drop, onto the ground. She would not resort to revealing her full abilities. They were far from being need now, but she would have to fight for real this time. Too many people had entered the range. Yue would show no mercy. She remembered that much. Her eyes closed, allowing the magic in the atmosphere to take over. It would be best to tell Sakura to stay out, but on guard.  
  
Sakura, her mind called. Sakura.  
  
Oneechan?  
  
She wanted to smile at the younger girl's surprise. She still had a lot to learn. Sakura didn't realize how much potential she truly possessed. She had been like that once upon a time.  
  
Yue will try to use your vulnerability. Just concentrate on the battle and the others within the area. The source is near, everyone will be in danger.  
  
Rika. The balance is being threaten, then. So then there are more?  
  
The wind began to pick up and she could see the moon glowing eerily behind Yue. So he planned to use the moon against her. He had another thing coming.  
  
You need to get everyone away from the park. If in fact Yue is luring the Source here, everyone will be affected. The only way for you to go is for me.  
  
Be careful then. Onegai. I'll do what I can.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Usagi raised her head, a defiant expression clearly visible on her pale features. Her eyes darkened, like the stormy skies and waters. She lifted her hand, the blood rolling down her fingers as Yue prepared to call on another card. A small drop fell to the ground, causing a rift and making the magical barriers visible to everyone. Obviously Yue had read her insecurities wrong. She would have now part in lives being taken tonight. She had enough demons to last a lifetime.  
  
The energy around her began swirl in a bright circle, howling as it began to take shape in the form of a pentagon. She heard Yue let out a faint gasp and then call out the wind card once more, hoping to shield himself. She brought her hand in front of her and began to chant a protective incantation.  
  
"I Selene, call upon those spirits that serve the night. I your mistress seek protection against the one who has betrayed me. Grant me this wish."  
  
The skies began to rumble, streaks of thunder and lightening crashing around her. She felt her power grow to the limitation she seeked.  
  
"Wind I am thy mistress."  
  
The card flew her, screeching in blatant protest. The barriers were straining her. She could not fight with unclear mind. She was going to have to overexert herself to accomplish protecting everyone.  
  
"Return to the one that you seek to be carried with."  
  
The wind ripped through her body as she struggled to maintain control over her wild powers. She felt the desire to end everything right now, but she fought back with the thought of it not being her battle. She had people to protect.  
  
"Return."  
  
Kamui.  
  
**  
  
Sakura's eyes widened as Yue disappeared and Usagi' body slumped to ground. There was a stream of light that shot towards and her hand reached out to touch it. She barely noticed the two men running towards the fallen girl.  
  
The Windy Card had appeared in her hand.  
  
**  
  
Preview of next chapter: The Mark of the Sakurazuka  
  
Sakura and Shaoran struggle with their emotions as the search for a missing Usagi. Eriol deals with the fact that their might be a chibi- version of him running around. Usagi and Kamui see each other for the first time in years and Usagi must confront the family that had abandoned her so long ago. Toya makes his first appearance.  
  
Well, it's been far too long since I've updated this story. I'm been rather busy and I do apologize, but I'm updating now. ^_^ Just review please! 


	7. Memories of Times Long Ago

I used to believe in life. In love. In hope. I used to believe in happiness and in those around me. Those who smiled. Who laughed. And cried. Those who could feel. I don't remember when I stopped believing. It happened though, as swiftly as if a knife had cut through my very soul. For me, London was my very own personal escape.  
  
As well as my very own personal hell.  
  
You can't escape destiny.  
  
There will be those who try to challenge it. To mold it and shape it for personal benefit. There are those who simply run. But what happens when you can't run any longer? There are those who deny. And it takes the ultimate loss for them to realize.  
  
I am an exception.  
  
I was meant to leave Tokyo and my nightmares behind. I was meant to come back and to fight. To start the cycle once more. And to end it.  
  
My destiny was never foreordained completely.  
  
Only piece by piece.  
  
I had to deal with what I understood. And what I didn't. Maybe that's why I feel so close to Sakura. I understand her more than she'll ever know.  
  
More than I want to know.  
  
  
  
**  
  
Vanilla Skies  
  
Chapter 5: Memories of Times Long Ago  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyday I crucify myself. Nothing I do is good for you. Tori Amos  
  
  
  
She used to dream. Of happy things. Of her mother being alive and living happily with Touya, her father, and her. Of becoming a doctor. Of helping people and making them smile. She dreamed of laughing, no crying. Of good grades and cheerleading championships. There was a time when there was a possibility of life being so simple. Of living her childhood.  
  
There was a time where she could just merely be Kinomoto Sakura.  
  
But through the decrees of the fates and as cliché as it sounded, that one day she spent in the father's library changed her entire life. Magic, Yue, Magic, Clow Reed, Magic, Kero, Magic. It was a never ending saga. The Clow Cards had changed her entire life. They got so far as to dictating it even. She could never protect them if she weren't fit and healthy or even on her toes. She would be completely useless if she weren't.  
  
There were always the what ifs and the maybes.  
  
And the whys.  
  
The whole fucking roller coaster was restarting its course once more.  
  
"Sakura-chan?"  
  
She said nothing, her eyes firm on the mark where Usagi's limp form on the grass. She knew that the older woman had some dark secrets, but why? She sighed. The whys were going to start again.  
  
"Sakura-chan, genki desu ka?"  
  
She shrugged. What exactly could she say? My childhood friend's been possessed by a stack of cards? My feelings for Shaoran are still present and are driving me up the wall? 'neechan has disappear and I have no idea why?  
  
"What do you want me to say," she murmured, pushing herself up to a standing position. She looked around, observing the damage that had been done. Branches, leaves, and blood. Sakura turned to Shaoran, expression blank. She had no choice.  
  
"I will help you."  
  
Shaoran's eyes widened. "You. You will?"  
  
She nodded and they began to walk towards Eriol who was off in his own world. She bit her lip and then her eyes narrowed in determination. She wasn't a little girl anymore.  
  
"I will help you under three conditions. Otherwise, I can take the first flight back to London without any hesitations."  
  
Shaoran nodded. "Alright," he responded. "I agree."  
  
She was satisfied. "First off, you are the only one of your family that is to be involved. I do not want anything from anyone in your clan and I do not want to deal with them unless they give me reason to."  
  
He nodded slowly. "Agreed."  
  
"Secondly, there's a lot more involved here including the lives of people close to me. I am allowed to handle things the way I please, no questions ask."  
  
"And the last?"  
  
A grim expression crossed her features.  
  
"No lies."  
  
**  
  
// "They've betrayed us," Rei murmured softly, her eyes closed and her hands shaking.  
  
She shook her head as if she was trying to reassure herself she could still feel. Parents dead. Her only haven. Gone. The brother she had just begun to get to know. Betrayed her. The love her life. Betrayed her. In fact, with the week she'd been having betrayal seemed like the constant theme.  
  
"Ojisan is dead."  
  
First tear. "Hai, I know."  
  
"V-chan's parents are gone."  
  
Second tear. "I know."  
  
"Makoto and Ami are d-"  
  
Third, fourth, fifth, and sixth tear. "I know."  
  
"They've betrayed us."  
  
Hollow. Alone. Cold. Lost. Tears.  
  
"I know." //  
  
"You're only dreaming," came a soft whisper.  
  
Usagi shot up, pain shooting through her entire body and a soft moan escaping her lips. Fuck Yue. Fuck Yue and his arrogance. Fuck the whole goddamn world. She should have stayed in London and ignored everything.  
  
But you couldn't do that to Sakura. And besides, you knew you needed to come back.  
  
She moaned again. Her eyes opening slowly and to be greeted by an extravagant room. Blue and gold were present in the sheets, the walls, dressers, and the carpet. She shook her head. Noroku. It had to be the only explanation she could think up.  
  
She sighed and tried to move.  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You're still injured."  
  
Usagi rolled her eyes. "Thanks mum. Oh wait, my mother's dead. Can I please go now? You know, before my explosive temper works its magic."  
  
The shadows before moved to form the distinct form of tall man. She sighed quietly and picked up a sakura blossom, rolling it gently between her palms.  
  
"You need to rest," came the quiet reply. "We're all worried about you."  
  
"We? That's cute. I just want to go," she replied, her anger rising. "You know I do have things to do, problems to solve, and well, Japan to save."  
  
There was rustle and from the dark the Sakurazukamori stepped forward, expression calm. He still thinks I'm a child, the arrogant prick. She watched as he sat at the foot of the bed, eyeing her carefully.  
  
"I know you're angry," he began slowly.  
  
"Violently pissed, if you want to be politically correct. Why am I here?"  
  
"I told you. We're worried." The Sakurazukamori pointed to her injury. "You need to rest."  
  
"I'm a healer."  
  
"Demo---"  
  
"I. Want. To. Go."  
  
"You do realize that I kill people like you?"  
  
Her eyes flashed dangerously. "You nearly did. Rei and I were pretty lucky. V on the other hand..." She closed her eyes tightly, trying to block the memories from invading her mind again. They hurt you. Your family is dead. Two of your best friends are dead. It's been done for years.  
  
He sighed and tried to reach for her, but she pushed him away. She got out of her bed and tried to head for the door. The room began to spin.  
  
Dead. Gone. Your fault.  
  
"Iie," she whispered. Her heart was beginning to pound ferociously.  
  
Dead.dead.dead.dead.de-ad-dead-dead-d-e-ad-deeaadd.  
  
Her head started to spin. "Iie. Onegai. Gomen. Onegai, gomen ne."  
  
She barely heard the Sakurazukamori yell her name and the striking sounded of footsteps heading towards her. Ami. Makoto. Mama and Papa. Shingo.  
  
Let me go.  
  
Never.  
  
Why?  
  
Because I love you.  
  
Warmth. Strong arms. Ciderwood. Kamui.  
  
"Onegai."  
  
Iie. Never again.  
  
Don't make me dream again.  
  
**  
  
Author's Ramblings:  
  
Changed the title, didn't I? I tend to do that a lot. I apologize. Keep in mind that the cards are not going to be introduce in order for reasons only I know. *wink* Anyhow, nothing new except that any disclaimers in the previous chapters apply to this chapter. CLAMP owns X and CLAMP Detectives as well as Cardcaptor Sakura. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.  
  
Coming Attractions:  
  
Sakura and Shaoran tackle the task of the conquering the Snow Card and encounter both Yue and Rika. A special guest makes a brief appearance. A weak Usagi must join the fight with Kamui at her side with more of her memories coming back little by little. 


	8. Heaven's Illusions Part 1

                I fell in love when I was ten years old. I fell even harder when I turned eleven. Never in my mind had I thought it possible to feel such a feeling at my age…but it did happen. I feel in love and then I was hurt. Those days seem like such a blur to me now, Shaoran. Sometimes I remember only fragments, bits and pieces of that day. Other times I could name every detail… the date, the time, what I was wearing, what I ate for breakfast…the feel of your skin as I slapped you… the feeling of loss when I lost the cards, the very source of who I was starting to become. Shaoran, I lost my security that day and there's a possibility I'll never regain it.

                I could blame you, you know. I could blame your family. Hell, I could blame so many people for that night and for me leaving behind the only place I'd ever call home again behind. But right now, I don't know what to do. You see, a lot of feeling are coming out… I won't deny that I love you, Shaoran. I do. But after years of composing myself and learning to control my emotions… to only show people a shell of a person, it's beginning to crumble.

                Shaoran, be careful what you wish for…

                I just might let you have it.

================================

Vanilla Skies 

**by eve**

**================================**
    
    Heaven's **just a rumor** she'll dispel
    
    as **she walks me** through the nicest parts of hell (**dance of hell**)
    
    **i still dream of lips i never should have kissed**
    
    well she knows exactly what **i can't resist**

**nine inch nails, "sanctified"**

**chapter six, part one: heaven's illusions**

                Her eyes opened and she was greeted by darkness, silence. Momentarily, she forgot who and where she was but then her pounding headache chose to make an appearance… and then she remembered. She was in Seishiro's apartment with people she hadn't even seen in years. _Real comforting, I suppose_. She winced as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, struggling to hide any indication of her being awake. She took a breath and decided to rationalize her entire situation… She was weak, her energy low due to the excessive amount of stress she had been going through lately and the fight with Yue didn't help at all. She wasn't even in the frame of mind to leave, she thought and unwillingly seeing Seishiro's point. But then again, she didn't belong here nor did she trust any of them…

                "You should lay back down, Usagi."

                She stiffened and found comfort that the curtains around the bed hid her facial expressions. She shifted in a position so that she could face away from the door.

                "Fuck off, Kamui," she responded quietly but just as deadly.

                A rustle of movement signaled him walking across the carpet towards the bed. She closed her eyes and prayed that she'd have the strength mentality for whatever was about to come. She knew she was not ready to face Kamui or to face the others, but obviously Fate had other ideas. She trembled slightly, the emotions in the air running like shock electricity. She could feel his presence behind her at the curtain and she struggled with her desire to face him with the other to just plain run.

                "You should eat something then if you can't sleep."

                "Not hungry," she mumbled, unconsciously inching away from that side of the bed. This was getting to be on her nerves' high end. 

                "You should at least try…"

                "Anything else I _should do_," she snapped. "Because I seem to recall tell-"

                A large hand grabbed her arm and she was forced to turn around. Usagi froze. His eyes were just as beautiful she remembered. Some analogy to a flower in her mother's garden that she used to keep popped into her head…Lilacs? No, they were purple. Bluebells? Too dinky… Queen Anne's lace? She didn't remember what color they were. Bluebonnets… too light. _Cornflower blue_, she decided finally. _Mama used them to decorate the living room. _Cornflowers were never too dark nor too light, they were a blue gave you the feeling of warmth and laughter but at the same time a deep passion. And that was what Kamui was… passionate. He was passionate about love, life, his anger and his pains. She loved him because of his passions. He had hurt her with his passion.

                "You need to _rest_, Usagi," he spoke firmly, his grip tightening on her arm. "You can yell and even hit me if you want, but you need to rest first. _Please_."

                She was taken at back by the urgency in his voice. Kamui was passionate about his life's mission, his angers, his pains. Kamui was passionate about the darkness and loss of love. But Kamui was never, even when they had been together, ever passionate about her. Her eyes widened as he leaned closer, a strand of hair falling into his face. She wanted so badly to touch him all of the sudden… to trace his lips, his eyes, his high cheek bones… Kamui had certainly grown into a man, far from the boy that still haunted her from time to time.

                "We're worried about you," he murmured, his thumb making a circular motion against her bare arm. "Seishiro is. Arashi, Sorata… and I'm sure your friends are as well… And Subaru is worried sick."

                She flinched at the name of her brother.

                "I'm worried about you. I've been worried about you for years."

                "Onegai," she whimpered. "For the love of God, don't put me through this again. I can't handle another couple of years of trying to put myself together. Don't do this to me."

                He sighed and withdrew his closeness. He obviously got the hint that this wasn't the time or the place for bring up old wounds.

                "Sorry."

                She chuckled bitterly. "Don't say things you don't mean."

                "How do you know I didn't mean it?"

                "How do you know you meant it?"

                "Now you're being a three year old," he sighed, annoyance obviously present in his body language. He looked like he was about to burst, she noted with a mix of amusement and irritation. This was all so frustrating.

                It was then she started to laugh. Everything seemed so completely absurd, that she had to laugh. It was the only thing she could do. It wasn't a completely happy laugh. But it wasn't  a crazy laugh either. It was a laugh like she had laughed in a hundred years. "You---you--- You sound like an old man, Kamui," she giggled. She fell back into the pillows, clutching her stomach and giggling like crazy. "With a stick up your ass."

                He huffed and pulled away, hurt by her poking fun.

                "Oh come off Kamui, don't be a prat."

                He looked at her like she was crazy. _That's because I have the tendency to be crazy. _She took a shaky breath and inched closer to him at the edge of her bed, her expression serious. It was the first time she really felt comfortable since she had returned… returned _home_.

                "When I'm ready to talk, I'll talk… to y---all of you," she paused with a shaky sigh, tearing her gaze away from his burning one. Kamui had away with himself that could practically pierce her still. She needed to talk with out having to stutter or anything.   
  


                "It's just right now," she continued slowly. "Right now, I can't deal with-"

                Usagi lurched forward, a sharp pain searing through her body. She could feel the electricity coursing through her veins. _Sakura_, she realized. _Sakura needs me._ The pain grew harder to manage and she blindly reached out for something to grab---something which happened to be Kamui's arm. She looked up.

                She froze.

                For the first time in eleven years, she was looking into the eyes of the only man she could ever love. Her trembling hand stopped midair in its journey to touch his cheek, suddenly feeling small and useless.

                He grabbed her hand. "All right…"  
  


                Her eyes widen in surprise.

                "As long as I can help you… As long as I can be by your side."

**

                Waiting sucked, Sakura decided from her position in the park against the trees. Waiting meant passing time and she didn't have time to pass. Waiting also made her crazy… she was bored out of her fucking mind right now. She sighed. What she wouldn't give to have some sleep.

                "Keep awake, Sakura," came Shaoran's voice from behind.

                "Can't help it if I'm bored to death," she snapped. "And that your fucking family sent goddamn hired help with us. _At least_, I'm amusing myself with something."

                He looked at her practically shell-shocked. A warm flush spread across her cheeks as she realized that she had just cursed in front of Shaoran. He obviously hadn't let go of the good girl image she had all those years ago. It was endearing almost.

                "You just said…"

                She raised an eyebrow. "Fuck?"

                Her head snapped away from her partner's incoherent response as she felt a change of energy in the air. Suddenly she staggered forward, clutching her throbbing head. Whispers. All sorts of whispers entered her head, carrying all sorts of emotions… malice and hatred, loss and pain, and confusion…

                _Mistress…_

"Stop it."

                She tasted blood.

                _Mistress please help us…_

She seized clumps of the ground in her hands to help control some of the pain. The ground began to shake and the intensity of the whispers grew. She felt unstable. The wind picked up and she vaguely heard Shaoran's scream.

                _Mistress._

She looked up.

                "Rika."

**

**author's notes:**

                *waves* Been long, eh? I'm sorry, it's hard to update when I'm writing a lot and then there's school and such. But no matter, I've updated and hopefully you've enjoyed. 

                I have one piece of business with not a lot to say. First off, I don't like long chapters because I get bored easy. Secondly, this story is made for short chapters because of the way it flows. Also updating will be a bit random until the summer, due to college work. I've got lots to do you see. But don't worry, I won't stop.

                Review please!

**disclaimer:**

                Disclaimers suck. Lawyers suck. And sucks that I don't own any of these anime series.


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